nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
