can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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