shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
