i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
