and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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