Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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