She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
