you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
