Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
