What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
