Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
