I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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