best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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