This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
