Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
