when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
