and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
