My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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