party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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