Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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