i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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