Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
