when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
