your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
