Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
