This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
