how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He has the fingertips of a God
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