Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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