dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize