you have to choose: penises or morals?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
