Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
