yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
