It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
