So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
