"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
