this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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