you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
worst night to have a conscience
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize