I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
