I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
