surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
