Say something about gay babies.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
