Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
