She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize