I cannot find my penis.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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