So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
