I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
