my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
