no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My life is pants optional.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
