dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
