Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
