his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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