we're blogging at a bar
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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