god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
