I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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