He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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