That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
