don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
