Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
