Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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