Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
