And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
