One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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