So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
