He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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