I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
