I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
