Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize