you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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