after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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