Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
