Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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