I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
