cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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