I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
