1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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