He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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