i would punch a child for taco bell
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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