I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
