she smelled like a LAN party
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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