she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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