worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
