I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
