I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
