Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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