3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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