I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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