I'm jealous of your bromance
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
