He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
