She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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