i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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