The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
