walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
