Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
