Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
