He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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