Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
