Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
