I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
