Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
