U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
