We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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