i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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