Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
