Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
