Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
